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Jillyn

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do this!! [22 Nov 2003|12:01am]
[ mood | hopeful ]

from: tipsyblonde

everyone.. anyone (even if i dont know you)
I want you to post anything that you want. Anything.
Post a story, a secret, a confession, a fear, a love - anything.

Be sure to post honestly. Post anonymous if you feel more comfortable.

Post as many times as you'd like, and then put this in your LJ to see what your friends have to say.



humor me everyone ....
and i'll have a real update later.
<3!

50 sunkissed sun your buns

sale, abercrombie kids, hollister, and maybe ae coming later [31 Oct 2003|09:02pm]
be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. if you concentrate on what you don't have, you never, never have enough - oprah

i stole this shirt from abbey's closet. abbey who? abbey crombie... shes a son of a fitchCollapse )
12 sunkissed sun your buns

[23 Oct 2003|07:20pm]
my journal is basically friends only now... there might be some posts that aren't.. but for the most part it's going to be..... so make sure if you want to read my entries that you're on my friends list.. if you want to be on it then comment i'll probably add you.
10 sunkissed sun your buns

no one ever said it would be easy. they just said it would be worth it. [22 Oct 2003|11:14pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

"It's easy to have faith in yourself and discipline when you're a winner, when you're Number 1. What you've got to have is faith and discipline when you are not yet a winner."
- Vince Lombardi

i truely believe in being a leader..... although i don't think being number one is important. i guess all it does is cause competetition for people to want to do better.. which as a whole makes people better.. at whatever subject you're speaking about. leadership is a great quality in a person. actually it's more important than people make it out to be. if you're a leader not only can you succeed and accomplish your goals, but you can help other people to do the same.

so heres something else i guess a little more insightful...from the journal of: jesisica_lauren
"So as I sit in advanced composition staring off into space I notice little things I would have never picked up on on any normal day..Among other things I notice that this is one of the only classes that I have seen any of my classmates interested in in all of the four years i'v been sitting in the bland cemment walls of North Augusta high School..The teacher is short and stubby..It doesnt really seem as though people should be described like that. More like im describing some sort of tree that hasn't been subjected to the proper amount of sun or its fair share of water..Anyways..She is short and stuby. A soft voice. The voice of patience. So calm that at times I just want her to go crazy on someone just to see if shes actually feeling anything. She has four fake diamond rings on each hand that catch the light that is streaming in from the only window in the small room. Her grey hair has been colored..If thats what you could call it..It has started to get thinner, and I think to myself that if it keeps going at this rate it will all be gone in about 2 years..After she finishes destroying our childhood views on fairytales she walks back to her desk and tells the class they may quietly talk amongst themselves, but i'd much rather semi ease drop on some of the conversations going on around me. In the back of the class there are two girls re-applying make-up. One of the girls speaks up..

"I'm thinking of going on a diet"

Simple enough right?
The kind of comment you would expect from a 17 year
old girl that wants nothing more than for heads to
turn as she walks down the hall.

But then the other girl speaks up.

"Dont be stupid. You know diets are out.
Crack and anorexia are in"

Joking? No. Most likely not.

I'll admit it. I have the kind of personality that pushed
me into a group when I was 6 years old.I was spoiled at a young
age. I got everything I wanted. I sit at the table
of seniors that the freshman girls flip out about when they
get invited to sit by a 17 year old guy that wants nothing more
than an easy lay. My friends wear Abercrombie & Fitch and do
crack for kicks. Yet this is the group everyones parents try
to push their kids into.. The girls everyone wants to be like.

I can't help but laugh to myself when I think about it.
What will become of my friends next year when their put
into a college environment.

When do people grow up?? I mean i'm not the most mature person
on the face of the planet, but I know when things are stupid
and pointless.

Come on girls..I love you..But have a little class about
yourselves."

hmm i feel exactly like that, although i've never actaully heard anyone say that.. i can definitely hear someone saying it.

a survey... c'mon it's been a while..Collapse )

2 sunkissed sun your buns

that which doesn't kill you makes you want to die [07 Oct 2003|11:54pm]
[ mood | satisfied ]

hi friends, foes, and whatever else lurks out there.

sorry about no update in awhile...

i've been having a great time lately. i dont' feel like updating on every detail like i usually do. i'll just sum it up with a great time and great memories. somethings i'll never forget.

you know what i realized.... it sucks to be a senior. the stress is unbearable at times, and i can't stand the thought of leaving. when i was a freshman, a sophomore, and even a junior.... all i wanted was to graduate and move away.. and now if i had one wish it would be to stay... forever...

i'm sitting here now, thinking about past relationships with people that either i, or themselves have fucked up. sorry to anyone... whom i'm hurt... i guess it should be a goal to be mine to personally apologize to some people for certain things, in the mean time, sorry to everyone who might be offended about something that isn't engraved in my mind forever.

i'm feeling really emotional right now. i don't know why. i miss a lot of people.. that i used to talk to... but haven't had the time... or we just plain grew apart....or maybe we had problems... sarah, molly, kendra, kelli, ashley, bern, ched, brandon, devon king, devin, betsy. to all those people: i miss the way things used to be. i really do, and i wish we could go back in time... but for now... let's just make the best of what we've got.

if i had to say one thing i liked about myself.. it would be the fact that i dont give a fuck about anything. i can't think of one thing that matters to me that's worth dying for. i feel unattached and not tied down and it feels good.

if i had to say one thing that i've changed about myself in the past year that i like it owuld have to be that i'm more outgoing now. i think i can do anything. i know i can't. but at least i think i can. iv'e done some things that i never ever ever would have dremt that i would have been able to bring myself to do. and i think thats awesome. cuz thats definitely something you need to learn and you need to take with you when you graduate.

i'm not ready for the real world. whenever i have test, i just sit there and stare at the paper and no matter how hard i might think it is, i realize it could be 500 times harder. maybe that's what college is like. i don't want to go.

i hate how relationships get complicated. i hate how we just can't be friends.

i love how my town is small, and that i have the opportunity to get to know everyone.

i hate how people judge people.

i hate people in general.

7 sunkissed sun your buns

[07 Oct 2003|11:40pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

does anyone care what i have to say?

4 sunkissed sun your buns

you be my burger king, i'll be your diary queen , you do it my way, and i'll treat you right.. [24 Sep 2003|07:32pm]
oh geeze. i been so busy the past two days. school has realy sucked. i've been really stressed... lots of work to do and no time that i really want to do it. lol. last night iwent to the franklin park mall in toledo. that means on sunday i went to cleveland, monday i went to elyeria, and tuesday i went to toledo. omg their abercrombie is so much better than the one in strongsville.i love it.t hey have like EVERYTHING. in EVERY size. but they don't have a hollister..... so it doesn't really work out...i guess today i should have gone to columbus. just so i can visit the whole state in 4 days and still go to school. lol. needless to say. there aren't ANY homecoming dresses i like this year. usually theres one im like omg i love that dress..... but there isn't any like that. none of them are really "me" most of them are black and red and glittery.... and thats just not me..... maybe i just shouldn't go. i don't know. i've finally realized that missing class doesn't really help you out in the long run. maybe it's worth it though. who knows. today sucked. yesterday sucked. i won't go into detail really i guess... but thye've been the worst two days of my life in a long time. i guess that's about all i have to say really.
4 sunkissed sun your buns

ever think about this... viagra is covered by insurance but birth control isn't. [22 Sep 2003|03:27pm]
be good or be good at it

okay the past few days have been quite busy. i've had a lot of fun. friday night we had a football game and a huddle. i didn't go to the huddle though, i went to cody's house. and we went to pick mark up at the school cuz he went to the huddle and i guess he got a ride home from tom sims and he got pulled over for loud music and they found pot seeds in his car so i dont really know what happened with all of that. lol. we were there for a while and then we went home. saturday i thought i was going to be able to sleep in. cuz id idnt have to work until 11. buti got a call from devin at fuckin 6am and hes like COME TO WORK NOW. what a bastard. i didn't even get home that night until 3. i was so flippin tired at work. and it sucked. cuz the only people there were me luke and devin for like 3 hours. at least. and me and luke were the only people that worked all day. sanduskys homecoming was that night so nobody from sandusky came to work and we had to bring people from other places in the park to work. it was quite gay. then after work me tara and brittany walked around cedar point for a while and threw chocolate pudding off the sky ride onto people lol and tara put some on her seat when she got off and she told the guy that works there she was scared shitless haha. and then we wathced the next people sit in it haha. brittany peed her pants. haha then we went to hulas house for his party. which was pretty gay. but hey, it's hula. lol. i came home and went to sleep and sunday me and my mom went to strongsville and elyeria to go homecoming dress shopping. and there wasn't any dresses that i liked. i bought two dresses though. i think i'm going ot takeboth of them back. one of them i had to like follow this girl around until she set it down. she should have put it on hold if she was thikning about getting it. oh well shes a freshman, she'll learn. lol. i got a lot of cute stuff at abercrombie and hollister though. lol. i got like 4 shirts from abercrombie, 3 shirts anda pair of pants from hollister, and a purse and a shirt from abercrombie kids. the purse is the most adorable thing ever. they don't have it online though. i think if i get time later i'll post pics of whatever i got that they still have online. then i came home and we ordered pizza and walked my dog around the block and i stayed up all night online cuz i hadn't been online for like two days haha. and i talked to ched for like 3 hours. that was kinda weird, but it was normal. i miss him kinda, but i can deal without him, probably. ummmm.... then i went to sleep at 2 and i woke up this morning and went to school and we had a leadership seminar thing in lorain which is like an hour away we left this morning and cameback the last period of the day. the speaker there was really really good... he was one of the best one's we've had in a while... we didnt know any of the rest of the schools there and we acted really gay. lol actually we just clapped a lot.. and screamed a lot.... and we all wore matching shirts... lol and we went to wendy's that was flippin awesome. haha i love wendys! haha. andd...... oh yeah, when i was an aide 8th period today, this jr high boy was flipping this bee around and he flipped it in his mouth.... haha. jr high kids are so gay. and hten i came home and kara called me and i really really HAVE to clean my room. i started doing my laundry so by like wednesday in the week hopefully after school ic an just chill... me and kara are going to the mall tonight to look at homecoming dressees there. i dont want to buy one there though because the chances of someone having it are at least 95% haha. and that would piss me off. i would rather have the ugliest dress on the planet earth than a dress that ANYONE else had on... i need to go to my aunts house and ask her what dress she likes better. tomorrow after school me and my mom are going to toledo. i want to get my belly button pierced. ithink im going to do that tomorrow after school too. i'm kinda scared lol but im excited cuz i've wnated it done since jr high.
5 sunkissed sun your buns

most men want to be a woman's first love while most women want to be a man's last. [17 Sep 2003|11:39pm]
i'm just a girl standing in front of a guy.. asking him to love her...

went to the NHS meeting. quite boring. don't like NHS as much this year. hopefully it will be better. the list of inductees isn't looking up either haha. kevin joined our commitee. we're inductions/constitution but we aint gonna do much this year. cuz no one in our grade is really responsible and caring lol. after i got home i stopped at karas and ate some fried cabbage. hah i love it. and then we came here and she helped me pick out my senior pics and what exactly i want of what. so i got that all situated.

don't regret your mistakes.. because in the end.. they always teach you something

so i guess this post was really supposed to be about devin. hah i know you guys gotta be sick of hearing about him, from in the past. but i like him agin. i can't help it. no matter who i like, i alwys come back to liking him. theres nothing special about him, really. he's pretty much an asshole... actually. haha. i don't get it. but i like him. a lot.i think about him all the time, which is why i just felt the need to make this post. i don't realy post about serious issues a lot, i guess.i still can't believe we kissed that night. i really feel like that was a mistake, and i know he does more than i do. i regret it only because i know he has a gf, he doesn't like me, and it just made me like him more. he's just... devin.. and i'm just jill.... hopefully someday we'll be together, and we can both be happy.... if not then i guess i'll see him on montel highschool crushes reunited in 30 years and he will of coruse have a wife and a couple kids.

maybe part of loving is learning to let go...
5 sunkissed sun your buns

i think your whole life shows in your face and you should be proud of that. you were born an original. don't die a copy. [17 Sep 2003|07:20pm]
"always be a first-rate verison of yourself, instead of a second-rate verison of somebody else."

alright school this week has been interesting so far. i have yet to actually go a whole day of school without interruptions haha. on tuesday we had our first sadd meeting of the year. sadd is and alwys will be a productive organization at my school. lol. yeah right. theres so many kids in a sadd now too... haha. oh wellllll. i slept everyday after school. well on monday i went shopping. tuesday i slept and then i woke up and had to write an english essay contrasting a movie and a book. ewe. lol. mine sucks. today i was only at school for 1st period because we went on the ropes course at ehove. it made me sad, because i used to take a gym class there one summer... before i worked.. when i was little girl. lol and i met a bunch of people from different schools that i don't really talk to anymore, but i think it was one of the first things i did where i actually just met random people that i didn't know and spent time with them and didn't care if i was with anyone i knew. and it was at ehove. so i was thinking about that.... and the ni realized, if i wanted to do it this year, i woudl be a senior. well i would be graduated.... and that made me even sadder.... well cuz during gym class we used to walk by the ropes thing everyday. but it was really fun. i thought i would get up there, 30 feet off the ground, go across one rope and then go back across it and come down. hah. it sucked, cuz i realized when you got up there... that whatever you did you would have to do that many to even get back to be able to go down hah. it was hard. but it was fun. i surprised myself. and then we did the zip cord across the pond. haha. that was really fun. i'd definitely do that again, like everyday if i got the chance. my arms hurt a little, but i think more than anything i just did something that i didn't think i was going to do. i mean, i wasn't scared, or nervous... i just didn't think i would ever be 30 feet up in the air holding on to a rope so i didn't fall. haha. then we went out to eat at subway and came back to school for 8th period where i just sat there and went to sleep because i was tired and the kids were taking a test. haha. i came home form school and i wnated to go shopping but i just picked out what senior pictures i want... woodard doesn't let you keep your proofs so my aunt scanned them for me at school cuz shes a teacher and put them on a CD so i have them cuz i have to give them back when i order them tomorrow.. which is gay. i mean, what do they do with them anyway? now i have an NHS meeting at 7:30 so i better get going...
sun your buns

try not to judge tomorrow on what happened today. [14 Sep 2003|11:34am]
[ mood | exhausted ]

so i stayed the night at my principals house on tuesday night or something i think it was with the rest of the leadership class. we stayed up all night and we went out on the lake and palyed cards and natsumi taught me some japanese card games. it was fun. i think that's about all we did was chill basically. i had fun though, but not as much fun as the sunday before. me and natsumi stayed up basically all night talkin and playin cards and then mr poe woke us all up at 5:30 and 10 minutes later the superintendant called and said we had a 2 hour delay cuz of fog so we all went out to eat at bob evans since we were already up and then we came home and went back out on the lake and kristi dropped her keys in the lake and they were her only set of keys. lol. awwww. haha. that day in school we had a guest speaker and we had leadership training all day with him. we basically just talked about what it is to be a leader and we would do activities to get to know each other and talk about the projects we're doing later and try to start coming up with ideas for them. we were all really tired and when i got home from school i went to sleep until 8pm and then i woke up and me and kara went to the ymca to work out and then i came back home at like 11 took a shower and went back to sleep. lol. the next morning we had YET another two hour delay. i don't ever remember there being 2 2 hour delays in a row. it was sept 11. i was watching good morning america at the time of the attacks two years ago. i still remember what i was waring that day. and i wore it again this year. it's weird, i remember what class i was in and everything. i cried that morning, but i went to school and everyone pretended like nothing ever happened. i thought it was quite disrespectful, but hey, people can do what they want. i really don't have much more to say about sept 11th, i hope everything's going to be okay with everyone. but i know that's not possible. after school on thursday i went ot work out and i did something else but i don't remember what. i was up until 1am because i wasn't tired. haha. friday i woke up to go to school and school was quite boring i had a calc and a family relations test. but the jr high had an assembly 8th period and im an aide for a jr high teacher so i got to wander around the school and watch BET. on tv lol. after school on friday i wanted to go to laurie's bday party, but kara wnated to work out, and i found losing weight more practical than gaining it... then i went to sleep and woke up at 7. tara called me up and wanted me to go to the speedway to watch the dirt bike races with her and lindsay, but they left and wanted me to meet them there and i didn't feel like getting lost and feeling gay, so ij ust didn't go. i wishi would have though, cuz afterwards they want to mikes and hung out with people and it sounds like they had fun. haha. and sarah called me up and wnated me to go to a cornmaze, but i wasn't in the mood to go outside and stuff so i just stayed home. my aunt and uncle came over and we played some knock poker. it was fun, i guess. lol. i stayed up until 2am and then i got up on saturday to go to work at 4am and got there by 5. i worked until 2am the next morning. ewe lol. actually it was fun. tara was there, and we worked at breakers east. i never worked there before. but we had a catered party over there. two of them. one a breakfast and the other one a dinner. we had two other parties during the day too. breakers east is really pretty. i like it over there. and music plays. lol. it's really cool. for the dinner party the theme was like... clue like a detective thing game type thing and all the servers had to get their faces painted to look halloweenish. for halloweekends also. haha when people told me that i didn't believe it. but they weren't lying. lol. so anyway, we really got off at 11:30 and then we stayed clocked in and walked on the beach. it felt so good to walk in the sand. i love it so greatly lol. nah its just feels really good and its an amazing place. then we went to cody's house where everyone was drunk... so we werent there for long. but it was fun too. and then we went back to clock outand devins truck was still there. so we wont get in trouble. it was only 2 hours. a 23 hour day. woot woot. haha. when i got home i was sooooo tired iwas supposed to wake up to go to church with tara thism orning and i set my alarm clock for 7:30 and i knew i would just turn it off.. cuz i do that when im relaly tired, and ij ustwoke up. when she gets home shes taking a nap and then we're going shopping and looking for cool crap for my room. and im going to get another AE application and turn it in. i want to work there so bad. lol. well im gonna go take a shower now. ill try to update within the next week... lol.

3 sunkissed sun your buns

the purpose of life is not to be happy. it is to be honorable, to be compassionate, and to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well. [09 Sep 2003|07:37pm]
school today was the same old same old. as usual. i had a vocab test. i didn't do that great. but i think i did okay. i got my adv bio test back. i got an A. surprisinginly. nothing else special happened. tonight im staying at poe's condo. he's having a party. oh yeah, mr poe is our principal. so he has a party on a school night. took me a while to get my mom to believe that one. but it's the truth. gods honor. i hope tara is allowed to go. her mom aint beliving her either. lol. it's gay. then tomorrow we have leadership training all day with this important leader guy. lol. i don't know his name right now. maybe i'll remember it by tomorrow after school. well i have to go take a shower now and get going. i have a long night of euchre playing ahead of me. haha. OH YEAH. i got my mom the job at the court! yay! haha. so she was only unemployed for 3 weeks. she starts the 22nd. shes the clerk of something or other. lol. i don't even really care. as long as she has a job. she had her interview today and i had to pick out her clothes and do her makeup and stuff. lol. for once i felt like i kinda bonded with my mom. i guess thats possible. but its not with my dad. i'm happy though. that made my day. basically that's all. lol. i should have worked out today, but i went to the store instead. i have a list of crap i want to get for my room. i will leave some stuff for christmas though. alright. gotta go. bye kids.
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it's good to have money and the things that money can buy, but it's good, too, to check up once in a while and make sure you haven't lost the things that money can't buy [08 Sep 2003|10:44pm]
[ mood | tired ]

i'm a little overdue on an update. a lot has happened actually. sunday we had a leadership retreat thing at poe's condo. it was really fun. we played volleyball in the lake all day and went boating and jumped off the boat and went waterskiing. and then we played cards and football and ate. i thought i was only going to be there for a few hours but i ended up being there until like 8pm. then me tara and lindsay went to mike's house to chill. we just sat there and talked, like we always do at mike's house. lol. and then we came home. today at school was the same old thing. right after school me kara and james went to sandusky cuz james had orientation at chichi's and there was a best buy job fair at the holiday inn that me and kara went to. i kinda want to work there. anything to get away from food. oh yeah, and i'm applying at AE. i really really really want to work there. zach and mike work there. i hope i get hired. oh yeah, and i quit mcdonald's today. lol. kara just toldme this morning that i was scheduled 3-8 today, tomorrow, and wednesday. and i just decided that i wasn't in the mood to work. i've gone through a lot there. a lot of jr high acting 30 year olds that have 10 kids. needless to say the highschool kids that work there are themost mature and responsible people that work there. i want to call tim and tell him why i quit. if you ever read the entry about me dealing with all the shit from there then you know. people always gotta be talking about people theyre like DID YOU HEAR SHE SAID WHAT HE SAID THAT YOU SAID THAT HE SAID SHE WAS FAT. youre like like i give a rats ass. i hated it there. everyday i walked in there and put on my fake smile.. i thought doing something you hated would make you stronger. but a couple weeks ago i realize it only makes you stronger if you get rid of it at the right time. it felt really good. just toc all and jan answered the phone and i was like "jan? this is jill. i quit" real quick and shes lke "just like that?" and i go "yeah" and shes like "ok thanks bye" and hung up on me. i think she was pissed. but i think thats the problem. jan has an attitude problem. and so do the rest of the managers. i probably won't miss that job one bit. i feel like a burden has been lifted off my shoulders. lol.

my A&F and HCo wishlistsCollapse )

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"Oh, you dont like your job? theres a group of people like you. it's called EVERYONE. and we meet everyday at the bar" - drew carey [06 Sep 2003|03:10pm]
[ mood | irritated ]

"After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul. And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning. And company doesn't always mean security. And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts And presents aren't promises. And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up And your eyes ahead. With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child. And you learn to build all your roads on today. Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans And future has a way of falling apart in mid-flight. After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul. Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure, that you really are strong And you really do have worth. And you learn, with every goodbye you learn..."

lol thats gay i made a post eariler but i didnt post it yet cuz i was gonna add my senior pics to it but my computer forze and id idnt get to post it so school has been the same old thing. its cooler this year. i still like it. i had a lot of tests on friday. but its okay. me and tara and mike and jake went out last night. tara got in trouble and we came home early. devins bein the biggest dick in the world. and he don'te ven have it. lol. i was spposed to go to work at 7 this morning but i didn't feel like it so i didn't go yet i told him i would go when tara got off and that my dad was fixing my car and he wanted me to get a rid to cedar point at 7am im like yeahhh thats gonna happen. you fag. and he wnats us to work tomrorow and we have a leadership thing. he pisses me off. he's all like if you dont come to work today youre going to be fired. he cant fire me. lol. well the more i think about it the more it pisses me off. me and my mom went to walmart today. i'm thinking about how i can rearrange my room when i get my laptop for christmas i can take out my big dresser and put a computer desk and a vanity in there instead and then i can get a small fridge and just live in my room and not have to talk to no one. that would be awesome. and ummm.. that's about all. lol. oh yeah i got my senior pics back. these are just the ones from woodard. i have other ones that i did that i like better.. but they are just pics and they aren't online so i would have to scan them and i dont know ayone with a scanner so i probably wont get the scanned. the ones i order i probably will or if i can choose ill post and let you guys help me out... so here just most of the woodard ones. there are more but these are just the ones i like the most. there are some people like that i didnt put on here too lol

some senior picsCollapse )

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a wise girl kisses but never loves, listens but never believes, and leaves before she is left [02 Sep 2003|10:32pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

ihad a rough day yesterday. i don't really know why. james ended up working for me. i didn't go anywhere all day. i just sat at home and thought about stuff. it sucked. there isn't much more to say. i guess i was so deep into tought that i didn't go to sleep until late, which caused me to wake up late and have 10 minutes to get ready to go to an NHS meeting before school about some jr high connections program. aint nothin like we had to stand up in front of the entire jr high and sing a gay song for the principal... lol. it was embarrasing now i look backat it, but i was so tired i was out of it, so i didn't really care. today wasn't the greatest of all days. it was my moms last day of work. my dad was crying. i saw lots of people crying today.a nd lots of drunk people. i just want this year to be easy. i don't want any drama. i just want it to be laid back and easy. but i can see how i never get exactly what i want. i cried a lot yesterday. things have just been bothering me. i don't really have anyone to talk to, well i do, but i guess i really just don't feel like talking. i think i'm going to cry again tonight. devin is still being the biggest dick in the world, although he doesn't have it. and i called brandon like an hour ago and frankie is over there. they seem to be back together. i don't have time to worry about it. i miss him though, but there isn't anything i can do about it. at some point, you have to give up. and you have to make the decision on when to do it, and its always really hard for me to let go of people that mean a lot to me. i think thats natural. today at school didn't erlaly suck, i guess. after school me and kara went ot the y and worked out, and then we went to the mall and neither of us got anything and we came home. what a fun trip. i'm trying to lose weight before homecoming. it's in like a month. i don't know why. i'm probably not going to homecoming.

4 sunkissed sun your buns

sometimes you gotta run away to see who will follow [01 Sep 2003|09:20am]
[ mood | crappy ]

so yesterday me and tara went to work we were only 15 minutes late. we stopped at her grandparents because she forgot her ID and she needed to borrow a dollar to get a temp one. work was pretty awesome yesterday. there were way too many people working, but it was awesome. we spent most of the day cleaning up the storage and china and glass room and just cleaning up. which never actually really happens we just sit there and talk. haha. and then at like 5 we all left to go to bay harbor pavillion because we had a party there.. we never had a party down there before.all the rich people go to bay harbor. if you buy like grilled cheese there it's like 20 dollars. haha. so the party in their pavillion was very upscale. they had a band, and they had steak. me and tara got to serve drinks. that was fun. haha. it rained a little. all the people were relaly nice. rich people usually are. after we cleaned that up we came back and filled out our breakcards and me and tara walked on the beach. haha. how gay that sounds.. it wasn't. it was really nice actually. the beach is a nice htinking place for me. i could spend forever there just all by myself. andi never been there when it was dark and no one was there before. its cool. i dropped my phone in the lake. it still works though. haha. unlike the nextel phone that lindsay dropped in the lake and doesn't work anymore.... </3 nextel. after work we went over to aaron's house because we was having a party and invited us. it was pretty gay though. i didn't really know anyone there, except tara and we wereo nly there for like an hour i guess. we played euchre with some people we didn't know. oh well, i guess you meet new people everyday, you just hope that when you have a chance to do it you're actually dressed in your clothes and not someone elses and you didn't just get done standing in the rain for a couple hours. haha. well when i grow up, i definitely want to live along the water. i really want to be one of those rich epople that live along the water. because theyre so laid back, and they're never mean and it seems like theyre never stressed. i don't care what water it is, as long as it's water. i perfer it to be the ocean, but i think the ocean is more for younger people, like here the lake there are a lot of older people that have boats and go out to the sandbar and whatnot. well when we got home from aaron's i tried to call devin. but he was at julie's house. which pisses me off. but you know what pisses me off more is that james said he wanted to work my hours on monday and tuesday (today and tomorrow) like a week ago and he begged me and i let him and now hes all like i cant work for you monday. because he wants to sit on his ass at home. even kara works the same hours as him. but he doesn't want to. which pisses me off, because he gets out of school everyday at like 11 to go to work, although he doesn't actually go to work, he just goes home. and he just has to have so many hours before the school year is over. and he's not in NHS or leadership he doesn't go to the football games or anything he just sits on his ass. and i work just about as many hours in just saturday and sunday at cedar point than he does all week getting out of school early. yet he can't work for me today because i've been working/going to school for the past two weeks without a day off. and, i have to work next saturday and sunday at 7am too. it never stops, and that stresses me out. i need this day off. i need this weekend to be longer. sarah had a clam bake last night. i wnated to go, but i was really tired. so i went to sleep as soon as i got home. it kinda depresses me, because i haven't hung out with my friends in a while. i'm truely sorry you guys who are reading this. i miss you i wish we could spend more time together... let me know.

sun your buns

giving up doesn't always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go. [27 Aug 2003|06:57am]
so the first day of school went decent. i had cramps really bad but the school aspect of school was good. haha. i think school is going to be awesome this year. maybe i'm being fooled but at least im positive right now.

first impressions:
econ well i had mr yantz last year. people tell me that econ is kinda like intro to business 2. you do exactly the same things. this was my favorite class last year and he was my favorite teacher. i'm actually kinda exicted about it. haha.
spanish 4 a.p. well today senor just rambled on about nothing. he's really good at that. he lost a lot of weight this summer. im proud of him. i sit in the front of the class this year. so maybe he'll talk to me more and i'll get a better grade. lol. spanish always has its good days and bad days. but it's worth it. the people in that class are awesome. this is the first year there are actually 2 spanish 4 classes. that's kinda weird. i wish there was only one. but there are cool people in there.
adv bio ha. we had work to do already today. i had mr king the teacher for bio when i was in 9th grade and i got a's all year. i don't remember doing anything in that class. you take a lot of notes and then he tells you exactly whats on all of the tests.
peer leadreship i didn't have this today. but i went to it a few times during the school year last year. i heard it's really easy to get an A in. i'm actually kinda nervous about it. i don't know.
english wellll english this year is interesting. this is my most questionable class. i mean, the class is awesome. everyone's in there basically. there's like 45 people in there. lol. we have assigned seats though. that sucks. me and jt sat in the back by the fan and talked the whole time. lol. i really hate the subject of english though. and i hope she doesn't move jt to the t's cuz his last name starts with a t. lol.
family relations well i've had mrs shumway every year since iwas a freshman. what can i say. i love her. shes kinda like my mom in school. lol. i will take any class she teaches. it's weird this year, cuz sarah and molly are in that class and i'm used to having her with just kara. but it will still be fun.
calculus a.p. mrs meyers i had her for algebra II two years ago. she was one of my favorite teachers. although molly hated her i dont' know why. this year shes just like you can do whatever you want. i mean, you don't have to do the homework if you don't want to. lol. it's great. i think this class is going to be hard. but i'll be okay.
study hall ahhhhh i actually went to study hall today. i have this teacher that's known as one of the most strict teachers of all time at our school. lol. i realy dislike her. i hate studyhalls anyway. there were tons of cool people in that studyhall, but everyone disappared to be an aide. which is what i'm going to do. i already asked mr schwan and he said yeah. my first intentions was 8TH PERIOD STUDYHALL. EUCHRE TIME! but.... i can see how thats not going to be happening. so i might as well bail while i can. lol.

after school i came home and took a nap, cuz i already said i had cramps and didn't feel good. i swear if anyoen touched me at all like just touched my shoulder i was going to break down crying. that's all i did. i guess brent called while i was sleeping. i don't remember that. he's being weird lately. i don't have time to worry about him. i miss brandon like CRAZY. i want him to come back. last night all i wnated to do was talk to him. tomorrow is wednesday and he comes back thursday. but i won't be able to talk to him until after school cuz he won't be up at 7am..... so i guess i have two days in reality. i think i might go over there this weekend. oh yeah aint nothin like jake stiger and i talkin in the halls. he's a cutie. but i dunno. lol. i always thought he was cute. ummmm. new subject. lol. i guess there's not much more to say. i should probably go to bed earlier today. so i can wake up earlier. and be eariler to school cuz i pull in senior parking lot today theresl ike TWO spots left and its like 7:20 i was like FUCK. lol. it sucks parking when all the parking spots by you are taken too. i should try to be eariler. i guess. lol.

crap i wrote this last night and forgot to post it.
3 sunkissed sun your buns

people don't change they just become more of who they are. [25 Aug 2003|11:05pm]
[ mood | thoughtful ]

all right so last night i went to sleep at like 3 i think. i woke up at like 9 though. which was two hours eariler than i set my alarm for so thats a plus. all i did all morning was sit around and clean my room some more cuz i want it to be something idon't have to worry about when school starts and i did all the laundry. i watched maury too. that show always makes me cry. i don't know why. today it was about mothers who have tested like 10 guys to be the father of their child and they were testing another one today. some of them found the father. some of htem didn't. some of the guys were assholes. some of them were caring. it's weird how different people in the world actually are. anyway. at like 11 me and tara and lindsay went up to the school to get our schedules and decorate our lockers. but the guidance counslers were out to lunch so we talked to mr schwan for a while and that's about it. then we decorated our lockers. mines only halfway decorated. i ran out of pictures. oh well i'm taking a magazine to school tomorrow. i'm sure i'll get bored sometime during the day. i saw kelli there. we have calc together. haha. i don't have a single class without someone that i know. i guess that would be kinda odd. since i know everyone that goes to my school anyway. lol. oh yeah and courtney was there. well one time like two weeks ago tara was over and she IMed naomi (cheds new gf) and started cussing at her and shit haha and i guess country's friends sister is friends with her and was asking her if she knows who she is or wahtever and courtneys like "as soon as i heard the name ched i knew it had something to do with jill. but i didn't say nothing" i bet she didn't. riiiiight. oh well. things get around the town like sarah kuns does. well after that me and tara went to bogart (our elementary school) and visited mrs kishman the 2nd grade teacher. i don't remember having her. but maybe i did. i don't know. anyway shes really nice and we just talked to her for a while and then tara came over and we went swimming until she had to go to work then she left and i went to kara's and james was there and we watched some movie but iwas really tired so i fell asleep for a while. theni woke up and came home and washed my car real quick and me and kara went to walmart staples and meijer to finish getting some school stuff. kara got these ball point pencils. isn't that weird. they have like liquid lead in them. and you can erase them but they write like pens.. they're really weird. haha but they are cool. i got some no more tangles haha did anyone use that when they were little? it's pimp. haha. anyway then we went to wendy's (of course) i need to stop eating there and got a jr bacon cheeseburger.i swear if you don't eat them everyday now. never ever have one. because you get hooked on them like none other. haha. and then we went to burger king and got milkshakes. their milkshakes are awesome too. haha. and then we came home and i came home and i was locked out of my house and there was some other truck here not my dads. i found it very odd they were 4 vehicles in my driveway and i was locked out of my house... so i opened the garage with my opener and came in that way and i realized that my cousins were swimming in my pool and me and kara went to my room to talk and then my dad came home and went off on me about the garage being open (i guess i forgot to shut it) and he was really drunk and he's like ARE YOU A RESPONSIBLE ADULT. he's so gay. then other times hes like YOU'RE 15 YEARS OLD. i'ml ike dad. i'm 17 and a half..... he dont even know how old i am. he treats me like i'm like 15 and then hes like ARE YOU A RESPONSIBLE ADULT. i'm like what the heck. it 's so gay. he just goes off on me for gay stuff all the time. i really hate him and sometimes i just can't take it. my grandma and my mom are always like we're so stressed we just want you guys to get along and i wish with all of my heart i could get along with him just to make them happy but i don't ever see that happening. anyway on another note. i went to karas house and painted my toe nails and nails then. green to match the outfit im wearing tomorrow. haha. then i came home and took a long shower and did the deep conditioning stuff and shaved and did a face mask and put on my baby lotion and now i just feel so much better. i guess i'm "prepared" for school now. because i actually did get everything done that i wanted to get done and i feel like i have nothing else to do. well i been thinking about brandon all day. all i want to do is talk to him. i would feel a lot better. but he won't be back until thursday. thanks to him telling me he was actually leaving (like usual) i don't understand him at times. i know he has a lot going on right now. something about his family he hasn't told me yet but i'm not going to ask him or force him to tell me. he will sometime he said. cuz i asked him if he planned on telling me. but anyway he has a lot going on so i'm not going to get mad cuz then i would feel guilty. i just hope that he's happy. and actually i haven't gone school clothes shopping yet, but pretty sonce i won't be working week days and neither wil my mom so.. we'll have plenty of time. that's about it i guess. well i just was nervous like an hour ago but i'm not nervous anymore. i don't know why i was nervous haha ig et nervous before school every year and you'd think if there was one year i was going to not be nervous it woudl be this year cuz god knows i'm going to be soo nervous next year. i just can't believe i'm going to be a senior. this is the last year. and i know i'm going to look back and read this someday and i'm going to be like wow. i don't even know what i will think. we were talking today it seems like when you were little everything was so easy andall you wanted to do was grow up and older people would tell you no you just want to stay the age you are. but you didn;t. you didn't want to listen to them. and now i tell little kids that, and they say the same thing i would say. it's weird. but i would say other than that being 17 in high school is the perfect age. it's the perfect time. andi enjoy it all i can. i'm going to miss it. but this year i'm not going to try to spend so much time thinking about it from a sad prespective. i'm jsut going to live it and deal with that part later... and i hope everything is great and everyone has fun and we can all stay close and be friends. i love you guys and i love everything we share and i don't want to give it up. let's make this year the best year there can ever possibly be. i'm sure it will be.

this next paragraph is going to be about this summer. i wish i would have done this last summer. because i don't remember what i was thinking when summer ended. or what i thought of it. but now i look back on last summer and it was just awesome. sure,i worked a lot. but i met a lot of different people at work. i made new friends within my school and outside of school, and even outside of the country. i also learned what responsibilty was and how to manage money. this summer i didn't plan on working until i wrecked my car. i just wanted to chill and have fun all summer. but i wrecked my car and i felt responsible for that so i got two jobs. sure i had a lot of days off and i still had plenty of time to enjoy the summer. but i became really close with tara lately. that's cool because shes a cool girl. i'm sorry to my firends who feel like i ditched them. i didn't mean and i never will on purpose. give me a call if you want to do something. dont expect me to call you. i miss you guys and i would call you if i wanted to do something so feel free to call me. i want to be friends always and i'll never trade you guys or think any less of you. i wnat you to know that. but back on the subject of summer. the first part of summer went slow because i lost my license. you'd be amazed how slow time goes when you don't have your license. and i was thinking about it the other day. ever since i turned 16 and got it the past year and a half have gone soooo much faster than the 15 years before that haha. and i worked at mcdonald's that also made time go slow. i was pretty laid back this summer, but not too laid back. i still stick up for myself and i don't atke crap from no one. i feel more comfortable talking to people i haven't talked to before now. i met some new people at work that are my age that are actually cool. instead of a lot of losers that worked there last year. well besides people from my school. but i met aaron and mike and luke worke dhtere last year and now stacie and cody from school but they're in a different grade. all of them are really cool and we've hung out outside of work. i'll be sad on the last day of work this year. i guess there's not really much to say about this summer except that i enjoyed it. well i enjoy every summer. i'm sure everyone does. but i had a lot of fun. i spent a lot of nights just staying out with people and talking to people and i even had my first boy friend and now i like this other guy and i really want to be with him. i have known him for almost a year.. and yeahhh. he's awesome if you put aside the few negative things. but relationships all need work. i don't even know where this is going. but i love summer. i love the laziness of it even if you're in the rush and i'm definitely a summer girl. i don't think anything came out of this summer like came out of last summer. well. i'm sure a few minor things did but not as much as last summer. but you do learn new things everyday. and it's a good thing.

5 sunkissed sun your buns

if you run away from me i'm not running after you cause i'm so tired; if you turn away from me don't look back cause i'll be gone. [25 Aug 2003|12:59am]
[ mood | uncomfortable ]

shit i just realized that i just UPDATED this morning! thats amazing haha so i was actually cleanin some stuff. i started cleaning my room again. i want it to be clean when school starts so i can have something nice to come home to and relax. i came home from work at 2 today. i worked with the perkins girls. they're alright, i guess. although it seems no one else likes them haha. but it's alright. andd two girls from st. marys' that i worked with last year kyleen and aly came to visit. i hadn't seen them in so long . i guess theyr'e coming back to catering next year. well when i got home from work my mom informed me that my grandma's bday party so we went to kroger to pick up a few last minute things and we sat justin and derek there. well they work there and i always see them there but i just realized that i hadn't been there in a while.. so i said hi to them and justin started talkin to me. i think he likes me still. haha. hes kinda cute. has potential haha.annnnnyway. i got my pop-ices at kroger. yayyy i have pop ices noww haha. <33333 i love them. then i came home to the party. people were being mean to me, or i was in a bad mood. either way, i was mean to people so i went to sleep and then i woke up and i talked to justin (brandon's brother) on the computer cuz he was on brandons sn and he said brandon went to galion with his mom and his brothers because they dirt bike race there and he woldn't be home until thur and brandon told him to tell me that andh e would call me when he got home. :shrug: i dont know if i can go that long without talking to him. i hate how he just doesn't tell me things and decides to leave for days on end. i just wish he told me. or had a cell phone. oh well, i'm sad. and i feel lonenly but lonely is starting to feel normal. annyway. everyone left from my grandma's bday party and me and my mom took a venture to walmart to get hair clips, pingers, a trash can for my room, pencils, hangers, baby lotion (yes, i do love baby lotion), a cool water bottle with the freezer thing in the middle of it.haha. i love it, some moouse for my hair. i cant spell that. haha. and can't forget the dr. pepper chapstick by bonnie bell. yay. i haven't had some in so long, but it's so great. haha. i had this avon white chocolate stuff and i loved it but i left it in my car and it melted. usually i just buy chapstick chapstick in cherry... but i love the dr. pepper. i saw it in a magazine the other day and im like I HAVE TO HAVE SOME OF THAT AGAIN! anddd then we came home and i called tara cuz we were plannin on going to cp to find her mom or whatever but when i got there her parents were yellin at her and she left... and we went to kevin rhorbachers house and liz brit and adam were there. we played euchre and then we planned rummy and grant and poe showed up and we watched tv and talked that's about it then me and tara went to visit the bridge to see who had painted it lately haha and what all it said and i just got home and now im talking ot brent.. check this out. what kind of guy says this to you [ Brent [12:52 AM]: and i was just thinking maybe a reason i talk more online about this stuff is bc i am sooo emotional about stuff like this and i wouldnt even be able to talk hardly ] allright. well i'm gonna finish this convo and go clean up my room a litle and hten off to bed i go. many things to do tomorrow.. like.. wash my car, finish cleaning my room and me and tara are going to the school to decorate our lockers sometime. that's about it. i kinda wnat a day where i can justsit around all day, but i know i will be depressed if i sit around all day. so i think i'm just gonna sleep.

oh yeah and heres my bookbag. haha.

and i had this green one i bought in strongsville at old navy... it's like olive green and its kinda like canvas material... it only has like two pockets... so i like mine cuz it has more pockets. i dont know which one is more "me" but this year and the two yeras before my bookbags were from ae,so i'm sticking to the pattern. i sitll need to get a lunchbox. yea im gonna be a senior and i need to get a lunchbox.... haa.

3 sunkissed sun your buns

life is like the weather, some days are sunny, others are rainy, and then there's those windy days that toss everything up. [24 Aug 2003|08:50am]
[ mood | cold ]

on thur and fri i had senior pictures. i think i liked getting them taken with barb more than woodard buti had to do both because you have to do woodard if you want them in the yearbook. i guess ill probably post htem when i get them back or whatever if i can find someone to scan them. it got too late so i ended up not getting any taken with my car but shes gonna take a few when i go to pick the other ones up. my pickup date at woodard is like sept 4 i think. so basically both of those days ispent the whole day getting ready for pictures. after i got back from woodard me and kara went to the mall and then i think that's about it. there was also a football game friday night that i went to. it was against some team i never heard of... haha. they were from like by toledo or somethin... they were division 1 and we're like division 4 (which means they have more people in their school) so we don't usually play them. anyway. the game was close we were winning in the beginning and we ended up losing. ileft with like 2 min on the clock and score was like 32 36 and they were about to score another touchdown. so someone told me we lost. that sucks.. yesterday i had to work at cedar point from 11 to dash. it ended up being 11-4. that's gay. i wanted to leave at 2 but no one would let me and then me and jimmy got in a semi argument over if me stacie and cody could leave at 4. he's a bastard although i think he's getting better lately. this weekend is sara gott's last weekend. it's a happy day for me today. haha. nah shes not that bad, i guess. but it would be nice to have someone else for a change. umm yesterday when i got off work i went to the sandusky co fair in fremont and i met sarah and kelli and kendra there. nobody would go on the city side with me and the country side was pretty boring. but it was okay cuz i hadn't seen anybody in forever... so i spent the night there in a tent and it was really cold. haha. i just got home because i have to go to work at 11 and i woke up at like 7:55 and i didn't feel like going back to sleep cuz i thought i wouldn't wake back up. i'm gonna try to not work a lot today too. hopefully that works out for me. haha. i don't have any other plans, and today is sunday... but who knows.

heres and interesting convo with ched::
although he still has me blocked.. he was on brandons sn
Read more...Collapse )

Closest 50 non-Friends for jill:
1: jillyn, 2: kaybe, 3: anisun16, 4: kaylachan, 5: staruskittles, 6: hedr, 7: kwizatz, 8: lilstephie04, 9: sparklezz, 10: wts, 11: nicki4u2nv, 12: fabricator, 13: punkinrebel, 14: nosequeen, 15: forevershemp, 16: desserped, 17: missundastood, 18: stuey83, 19: eattophu, 20: baaah, 21: lj_maintenance, 22: rak, 23: logorrheic, 24: rowanda380, 25: icons_4_grab, 26: zuper, 27: prettylicious, 28: addicted_icons, 29: star_icons, 30: amanda468, 31: babyangel86, 32: chopin, 33: prettieness, 34: magnus1121, 35: two, 36: lazyassken, 37: dolorosa, 38: eyecandie, 39: scrambler, 40: slime, 41: distressful, 42: epiphany651, 43: _cherished_, 44: dreamiish, 45: everywheretome, 46: _romance, 47: littlerae, 48: off_key, 49: lizisadork, 50: psychopal

that was kinda cool... if you wanna do it go to http://www.gothboffs.co.uk/trustflow/trustflow.pl?

it's the people that have viewed your journal that you dont have as friends.

oh yes and school starts on tuesday... so here is my schedule:

class teacher sems days
1. senior economy yantz 1 mtwrf
1. senior government gravenhorst 2 mtwrf
2. spanish 4 a.p. senor 12 mtwrf
3. adv. biology (lab) king 12 t r
3. peer leadership wilson 12 m w f
4. adv. biology king 12 mtwrf
5. english 4 miller-moore 12 mtwrf
6. family relations shumway 1 mtwrf
6. parenting shumway 2 mtwrf
7. calculus a.p. meyers 12 mtwrf
8. studyhall lescallett 12 mtwrf

i'm not so sure about my last period studyhall cuz that teacher is a bitch and i never had a studyhall in my life so i just planned on playing euchre all year but i can see how that's not going to be an option with her so i considered taking keyboarding but i really just don't feel like being in it cuz i don't know anyone in it... and so now i just have to find a teacher to be an aide for.

right now im just workin on cleaning out my mailbox and reading my friends page and maybe picking up my room and car a little before school starts. everything is a mess rig

My LiveJournal Sitcom
Living stereos (SHOWTIME, 10:30): jill (Lucy Lawless) uses s2sugarcoateds2 (James Spader)'s notepad. Afterwards, daredevgrl (Robert Englund) takes jessica_lauren (Martin Short) bowling. Soon afterwards, lyndz (Haley Joel Osment) cheats on a test, and tinkiebug (Petula Clark) finds out. Upstairs, sniperkat (Kevin Costner) tells soultainted (Michael Keaton) about Scientology. Also, aehotties (Glenn Close) and fitch92hottie (Ricky Martin) find a lost hamster at the cinema. TV-PG.
What's Your LiveJournal Sitcom? (by rfreebern)

lol allllllllllllright.
3 sunkissed sun your buns

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